Bye Felicia: Bidding Adieu to Daily Fantasy Leagues

If you have eyes, ears or basic cable television, you don't need me to tell you what DraftKings is. Or FanDuel. Or whatever terrible equivalent to either of those that Yahoo is pandering to you all like a dejected Jehovah's witness at your doorstep on a Saturday morning.

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of the whole lot.

It's not that I'm not into selling my soul (easy choice, I don't have one) or my Sundays to a fantasy world where I "own" players that play for the sole purpose of scoring me points to beat my friends based on a point scale set sometime in the summer, otherwise known as the WORST TIME IN ALL OF SPORTS. It's not that, because I really enjoy fantasy football. I play in multiple leagues, I watch a show loosely based on the subject, and I make bets on the outcomes of seasons I have very limited control over. It's all part of the experience for me.

Do you want to know what's the best part of all that experience? I chose to do it all, it wasn't shoved in my face relentlessly until I was too pissed off to ignore it, which is apparently the marking strategy of these daily fantasy leagues. I can't claim ignorance at this point, I know full well of what these leagues are, and yet I haven't considered joining one for one second. And yet I cannot escape the ads for these companies, try as I might.

A quick listing of the places I have been ambushed by DraftKings ads...

1. Cable TV (sports channels are, no surprise, the worst offenders)
2. Youtube Ads
3. Webpage Ads
4. Weekly fantasy columns on ESPN

I'm not surprised by the first three, it's entirely plausible and expected that the popular media formats will be the first to be gripped by any new company looking to advertise, but when I headed to my favorite weekly fantasy column, I was (perhaps naively) expecting it to be free of the DraftKings bullshit that had penetrated everything around me to that point.

Boy, was I wrong. I was more wrong than Columbus thinking he had made landfall in India. More wrong than Julius Caesar thinking Brutus was his friend. More wrong even than everyone in America thinking the entire cast of Grey's Anatomy wasn't inexplicably going to die over the course of the show.

Matthew Berry, one of the more entertaining fantasy sports columnists I've ever devoted time to following, is a realist. He, unlike most of the sitting members of the U.S Congress, isn't sure why he gets paid to do what he does, but that's neither here nor there. There's no complicated way to say this, so I'll just say it. In his week 1 column, he sold out big time. The entire thing read like one big advertisement to DraftKings, and his fans, the loyal, motley crew that they are, were furious.

Now, I get what it's like to be a company man. I get that ESPN and DraftKings have a sponsorship deal, and I get that Matthew Berry is not just a paid spokesperson for DraftKings, but also an avid player of daily fantasy leagues. Different strokes for different folks, right?

Well, sort of.

Do you know who the first people to force something daily relating to money on somebody else were?

The British circa 1776, that's who. And guess what, there was even a King involved. Coincidence? I think not.

Colonists have no use for your tyrannical daily fantasy leagues.Season long or bust. 

My friends, I want you to be free. I want you to be the flowing mane of Nicholas Cage in Con-Air free, I want you to be the name of french fries in France post 9/11 free. I want you to be Scotland at the end of Braveheart, give or take a few years free. Free of the pressure to join something you have absolutely no interest in joining.

 In middle school they told me I didn't have to join a gang if I was asked to do so. I'm telling you now that you DO NOT have to join the throngs (if you believe the commercials) of people winning millions of dollars (if you REALLY believe the commercials) playing in a daily fantasy league. You can be totally free of that pressure if you truly believe in yourself.

Not really though, it's all run by money, you'll see ads for daily fantasy leagues until you die, or until Congress decides to classify it as sports gambling and therefore illegal, and honestly, there's a better chance of a bunch of British dudes throwing away all of your tea than happening anytime soon.

Making Sense of Political Correctness

America, I don't really know what you want anymore, I just don't. 

America, arguably the entertainment and media capitol of the Western Hemisphere, if not the whole world, is expected to crank out all manner of entertaining and thought provoking programming, and if you think that I'm referring to Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, then you're wrong, and also, shame on you.

The issue we face in this country is not an inability to produce content, but our penchant for ruining anything decently poignant or controversial through exhaustive social pressure to conform to standards of accepted political correctness. Which, put in simpler terms means we like to get offended anytime someone says something that makes us uncomfortable, and we as a society see increasingly limited viewpoints and positions as a result.

An ongoing and relevant example provides the basis for my post today. Colin Cowherd, a radio host and occasional TV persona for ESPN, has come under fire in the past week for comments he made on his on air talk show. If you're interested in an unbiased perspective, then I'd invite you to go search it out and form your own opinions. My summary is as follows; Cowherd was making a point about the education level required to master various aspects of professional baseball, and chose to point out that 1/3 of the league are players from the Dominican Republic. Now, I believe I know Cowherd was meaning to point out the glaring lack of importance and funding allotted to education in the D.R, rather than meaning to imply that everyone from the country is of low intelligence. Now, I don't necessarily agree with the point in it's entirety but I understand where Cowherd was meaning to go with it, and that is to say that baseball is not a very complex sport to learn, such as football or baseball. Baseball is a simple sport, you are either a very gifted athlete and can pitch or hit the ball well, or you are one of the people who throw out horrible first pitches before the games and dishonor your family (cough, 50 Cent, cough).

No, the cameraman doesn't have a white crotch in his pants....

The backlash from the comments was swift. Cowherd, who was already planning to leave ESPN for Fox Sports 1 (a competing network) in a week, got canned early and was removed from the airwaves as ESPN issued a sweeping statement/apology and condemned his remarks as "not in line with the views of ESPN". Really? A guy, who by the way is known to be more of an "out there" radio host, a "live on the edge" kind of guy makes a blanket statement that (arguably) gets taken out of context and suddenly he's untouchable? Damaged goods? A Racist?

We're quick to use that label, man oh man are we quick to use it. The sports world clamors for original and thought provoking content but when we get it it's "get out your pitchforks, some host is losing their job". I just don't understand why everything has to be so corrected and monitored so closely that we're (speaking as someone in the sports industry) walking on metaphorical eggshells to avoid losing our jobs. You can only hear the same sports news so many times before it gets insanely boring, and radio shows with stirring content help to shake that all up. People clamor about how the same sports topics get brought up time and time again (LeBron on ESPN, for example) but the minute someone says something outside the box we're quick to bury him in it. It's also ridiculous that people from outside the sports world, who choose to create distance and limit knowledge of the sports world in their own lives, will suddenly rush to join the witch hunt whenever it seems convenient. How can anyone possibly consider themselves versed enough on any issue to form an opinion after reading a single internet article?

Because that's what we are now people. That's who we've become. Yes, I'm wearing the tinfoil hat, I'm questioning the hivemind because I don't agree with what it seeks to do, because I'm choosing not to drink the Kool-Aid. 

I think the world benefits from diverse viewpoints, even those that are deemed violent or hateful, because every speech, every dialogue, every word typed out and woven into a point can become a learning experience and can help further our education. Furthermore, it's worth pointing out that the timing of Cowherd's imminent departure to a competitor likely played a role in his premature termination, and it would be remiss of us to praise ESPN for "taking a stand for society", their convoluted sense of right and wrong has been shown in their petty "slaps on the wrist" punishments of Britt McHenry, Stephen A Smith and Tony Kornheiser, all ESPN mainstays.

So if you want to disagree with Colin Cowherd, go right ahead, get in line, it's a  LONG one. If it stops you from following him on Twitter, listening to his show or voicing your support for him around the water cooler, then so be it, he'll survive. However if you want to sling mud with the best of them, and really hang him out as a racist, then you'd be smart to get the facts on what he actually said, take a long look at your own character and things you may have said and wished you could take back, and then decide if the man really needs to be battered anymore for saying something you didn't like.

And please, for the love of whatever god, diety or flying spaghetti monster you may worship, don't despise the man because someone on Tumblr or Facebook told you to.

The House That the Taxpayers Built

America.

Home of the Free. Land of the Brave. Domain of the abused taxpayer.

Benjamin Franklin once said there are only two things that are certain in this life; death and taxes. However a new trend in the world of sports is making it certain that before you die, if not already done, each and every U.S taxpayer will help pay for a sports stadium, many of which are privately owned.

Well, that almost seems reasonable, until you look at the list of professional sports team owners and see their net worth.

Live look-in at two sports franchise owners.

 At that point, it becomes obvious that what amounts to a manageable expense for these owners becomes a massive burden on the taxpayers in each city where a professional team is located. To put the discussion into a numbers format, imagine a total cost to the taxpayers amounting to 500 million or more. Folks, you could fix a whole lot of potholes for $500 million. Or a whole lot of schools. Or a whole lot of anything that needs fixing that isn't a 10 year old stadium.

Now, I love my sports as much as the next person, probably more, let's be real. However I understand that some people dislike sports with a passion, and while I think they are missing out overall, I feel like I need to point out that unless they have a tax-evasion file open with the IRS, they have been funding stadiums that they never intend to set foot in, without a say in the matter. How's that for servicing the public's needs?

Now, I'm far from the first person to call out these owners and teams, and many people have asked for justification on why the public should pay for the bulk of a new stadium, while the owners stand to profit directly from the various revenue streams associated from the team (merchandise, concessions, naming rights, etc.). The question is a fair one, those revenue streams can grow to be quite large, and owners are very unlikely to share a portion of that wealth with the public sector. Instead, teams have begun to argue that an improved stadium creates a "trickle-down" effect to the surrounding area, an effect that is very difficult to measure, and thus hard to disprove.

And then I told them it would make them rich as well! Classic!

Before any of you Detroit fans start feeling immune from the reach of public stadium financing, you should know that your pizza god, Mike Illitch, and his Olympia Development Group are expecting a public investment of 284.5 million for their Detroit Events Center Project, to go along with $365 million dollar private investment. Well hey, that's far from the worst public-private funding ratio among sports stadiums (I'm looking at you, Mr. 100% publicly funded Raymond James Stadium), so that's one thing to be somewhat proud of! Go Detroit! Olympia had the following to say about the project.

"This project is about so much more than a world-class sports and entertainment arena; it's about transforming a core part of our city for the benefit of the entire community." 

Well hey, there you go. Build a $750 million dollar events center and revitalize a city that filed for BANKRUPTCY just two years ago. Now I'm no accountant, but I'm more than a little curious how 284 million in public funds is going to come from a bankrupted municipality.

So why is a stadium so damn expensive anyways, you ask? Well, besides all the steel, concrete and wiring needed to create such a large structure spanning 50-70 acres, there are some unique amenities around the various sports leagues that undoubtedly added to the total public cost. A few of my favorites from that list are as follows.

• 60 yard long high definition video screen (Dallas)
• Two built in swimming pools overlooking the field (with lifeguards) ( Jacksonville)
• A pirate ship with working cannons (Tampa Bay) 
• A fish tank, with fish, that stretches around the stadium (Miami Marlins) 
• This....thing.... (also Miami) 

  

  Those Marlins?....yeah, they move.

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

 Will public funding of these private, for-profit stadiums continue to be the norm? It's hard to say for certain, but I'd have to think that the arms race to have the biggest and fanciest stadiums will continue until the bills become so outrageously large that the public defiantly votes no and puts serious pressure on the powers that be. For now, at least, we as a society have shown that we are perfectly content paying $15 for a hot dog and watered down beer after ponying up $100+ just to get in the gate. Except we are not just paying for the hot dog, beer and seat. We are paying for so much more, and we are doing it under the false pretense of paying for public amenities, and if people really knew the extent of what was going on with stadium funding, I think they'd all be less excited to support their favorite teams from the discomfort of a tiny metal seat next to a big hairy man named Frank.

Thanks for reading everyone, and make sure to claim your local sports team as a dependent on your next tax form, you don't want to be missing out on all the benefits you'll receive for your generous contributions!

Getting Back to Blogging

Listen, I know I've been away for far too long, and I bet with how infrequently I've been posting that you all think I have more commitment issues than a Kardashian, but that's not the case. I've been busy, that's true, but not busy enough to warrant neglecting any of you still reading this out of some convoluted sense of loyalty or friendship towards me. I've also not been too busy to catch the thrilling World Cup final on Sunday between the United States and Japan, and if you were, I've got to tell you, you missed out big time.

This game may have been the most thrilling sports event I've ever watched, and I'm not kidding when I say that. This game brought out more national pride in me than Team America: World Police, and people, I do not say that lightly.

Recommended highly for viewing by children.

In a World Cup filled with several first timer nations getting run off the pitch (that's soccer language for the playing field), America danced through to the semifinals with little opposition, eventually routing the German squad and setting up a rematch of the 2011 World Cup with Japan, a loss no doubt fresh in the minds of the American squad. Full of salt, the Americans struck first 3 minutes into the game, and then second, 2 minutes later, and then third, 9 minutes after that. In fact, the U.S scored 6 of the 7 goals scored in the final, because the team is so damn good that sometimes they end up scoring on themselves. The mark of a true champion, I'd say.

If you are not yet blown away by how awesome this game was, then consider the following:

Kevin loves food.
Kevin ate a bratwurst (or brat, for short) during the game.

The brat DID NOT come CLOSE to as satisfying as watching Carly Lloyd do her dirty work all over the Japanese defense. Nor was it as satisfying as watching Han's younger sister Hope punch soccer balls away from the U.S goal with righteous liberty time after time during the furious Japanese offensive that came about 60 minutes too late. Now was it near as satisfying as the much deserved hoisting of the trophy by Abby Wambach and Christi Rampone, the venerated legends of U.S women's soccer. Honestly, it was just a really disappointing brat.


To be completely honest, I know that everything I've just said (minus the brat, you weren't there, so how could you ever know?) will likely be under a lot of scrutiny, because soccer is not even a huge sport in this country. Hell, we still call it by the wrong name, on purpose, just because we came up with one we like better. There's nothing more stubbornly American than that. However none of this changes how great that game was to witness as a sports fan, and how immensely proud it made me to stand up with my fellow Americans and cheer on our women's national soccer team as they brought the Cup back to America for the first time since 1999.

Freedom. What's in your wallet?

To put it in the words of the great Forrest Gump....

"and that's all I have to say about that"

'Murica!