Attack of the Clueless Zebras; How Replacement Officials Are Destroying Football

Sometimes in our lives, we are witness to something so unusual, so ludicrous, so impossibly wrong that we  hope to never see it again and will pray we never do. These include Justin Bieber music videos,sweaty back cleavage and the humiliating  of peopleofwalmart.com.

However the events that occurred on this weeks MNF game were beyond the point of ludicrous, hardly entertaining and impossibly frustrating for fans of football everywhere.

Replacement officials are dismembering this game. Piece by piece, they are destroying every shred of credibility that the worlds highest level of organized football has to offer, and they are making it a complete and utter joke.

Except we're all done laughing.

I watch NFL games every week and what I see are not men who have officiated at the highest levels of college football for years, I see a bumbling squadron of clowns who traded in their red noses and Ronald McDonald shoes for pinstripes and a whistle.

Was there even some form of testing before these men were deemed appropriate replacements for qualified, capable men like Ed Hochuli? If so, did they have, at the very least, an old high school gym teacher come in to teach them the rules of football? I'm frankly not sure if that was even done, seeing how intent the NFL is on not paying old men to do their jobs. This entire issue is caused by the childish fighting between two groups of stubborn men fighting over who gets the most clams. We have a league that declares itself as "fighting for player safety" and yet players face more risk of injury than ever as cheap shots and extra fluff after the whistle go seemingly unnoticed by replacement officials.

There's an old saying that you don't really know what you've got till its gone. It might seem relevant to this situation based on the amount of harassment the regular officials receive from around the league in their line of work. Frankly, yeah, I'm gonna admit, that's is me. To a T. I always carried a little doubt in my mind about the ability of officials in this league but with what I see on the field these days, I'd counter with another adage;

Beggars can't be choosers.

And make no mistake people, we are, in fact, beggars. We need football more than we should, it's a pleasure, and a vice, and a reward all at the same time. The things this country has done in the spirit of football dwarf the attention some countries give to foreign policy. We will drive a gas guzzling suburban 250 miles to tailgate at an away game, and if the officials miss calls, then by jove we'll let them know it. We are held captive by the very sport we enjoy as entertainment, and the thought of anyone, or any group of middle aged, colorblind, stuttering clowns ruining our beloved sport drives us crazy.

And to clarify, I'm not angry that one of the replacements is an outspoken Saints fan.  I'm not angry they instituted the first female referee (one of the only benefits of this dark period) or that she plays poker on the weekends as a hobby. I'm honestly not worried that this group will fail to leave their personal agenda at home and affect games negatively based on their personal hobbies. I AM worried that they will ruin games with their obvious lack of familiarity with the rule book. The problem is that we know, for a fact, that they have given teams unwarranted possessions, time outs, additional penalty yards and have even told players to step it up for their fantasy teams. That is the sort of stuff that honestly just can't happen. It will single handedly undermine the integrity of this game.

After these officials horribly botched the big call in Monday Night Football in front of a huge national audience, the situation has reached a boiling point. Players and coaches, generally seeking to refrain from bad mouthing officials in all but the worst circumstances, are coming out of the woodwork with complaints. The NFL sits in this precarious position with what is hopefully an open mind and one that realizes the potential damage to the league and their customer base the longer these men call the games. It will get much much worse before it gets any better, and I fear we may see ever increasing drastic measures being taken on and off the field that will create further issues.

So please, casual or dedicated fans of the NFL, take a moment out of your busy day to write to your local hometown NFL commissioner and tell him how angry replacement officials make you. We're not even going to have a hockey season due to OTHER groups of old men bickering over money, so we can't afford losing this football season as well. And please, if you see a replacement official on the streets, make sure you throw a damn rulebook at him-or her.

NFL Sunday a Tough Nut to Crack for Rookie QB's

Chances are, if you caught some football yesterday, you probably witnessed history being made, as there were five teams starting rookie QB's to kick off their 2012 campaign. Yes, five. For most football fans, it served as a source of intrigue, and a chance to watch much ballyhooed signal callers such as Rober Griffin III and Andrew Luck get a taste of the NFL action. It is rumored that Kim Kardashian left her car in busy L.A traffic upon hearing about the "fresh meat" and ran home to update her OkCupid and eHarmony accounts. Subway fired its director of marketing after realizing he had only signed one of the five to make borderline inappropriate comments about footlong sandwiches, and Roger Goodell was seen DVRing the Browns game "just in case" it was worth watching. Chances are, if you tuned in to one of those five games, you are very disappointed that you did, as the five star children combined to throw eleven picks to just 4 touchdown passes. RGIII ended up impressing the most, as he led the upset of the Saints by being very close to flawless in the Redskins 40-32 victory.

I personally ended up watching Luck the most. Deemed the most advanced QB of the five, it was widely believed, and probably still is, that he will flourish in the NFL very quickly. Yesterday, he struggled against the Bears, turning the ball over four times in a losing effort. Yes, he did turn the ball over, but three of the turnovers were caused not by inadequacies on his part but by superb defensive positioning by the Bears. Luck looked like a young Peyton Manning on the field, struggling in his first game but still possessing the framework of a good quarterback. 

Tannehill and Weeden are the cut and dry college QB busts this year. Every year we have quarterbacks who excelled in the college game but struggle to make the transition to the pros. I guess I'd have to give the nod to Tannehill over Weeden, but its honestly six of one, half dozen of the other. Gonna be another long season, Cleveland. 

Russell Wilson had a pretty subpar outing, doing nothing special and getting out-dueled by the two headed monster that is Arizona's quarterback situation. However, Wilson has a strong defense and run game that will be a very important crutch for him as he looks to build on his first start, and alot of people expect big things from him this season. 

Additionally, more history was made when the first female referee to officiate and NFL game was on crew for the Lions-Rams game. Shannon Eastin worked her first game largely without incident and many people didn't even notice the milestone. In related news,Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was fined an undisclosed amount by the league for a comment involving football not being played in kitchens. Jones was unavailable for comment on the matter. 

Word from the Jets camp is that Tim Tebow has started a public feud against Rex Ryan, as he was told he was still the backup QB after a strong game from Mark Sanchez. Tebow threw a tantrum for more than 10 minutes before his mother arrived to take him home for some pizza rolls and some milk. 

And finally, The Ravens host the Bengals on MNF, however half of the Bengals team could not make the trip, since their electronic probation tethers only allow them 100 feet of travel outside the stadium. To combat the short handed situation, members of the teams personal security staff will suit up on the O Line.

When Football Powers Stay in State, Everyone Wins

History will be made on Saturday, when the Michigan State University Spartans travel to Kelly Shorts Stadium for an away game versus THE Central Michigan University. While it is not uncommon for the Big Ten and the MAC to play each other occasionally, quite the opposite, actually, this game will be different. Michigan State has realized the importance of spreading the wealth to football programs in the state not named U of M and not on the banks of the Red Cedar, and has structured a deal to play away games at the stadiums of several MAC teams in the next few seasons, including CMU this year and EMU within the next few seasons.

While some may criticize this deal as accepting charity, I believe it is remiss to view it as anything less than helpful to everyone involved. By returning more money back into the schools in Michigan that are dwarfed by the Spartans, they assure themselves a more competitive football atmosphere locally as well as gaining more respect on a national level. I'm so impressed by the forward thinking sports administration at State for thinking this deal up that win or lose, I respect MSU immensely. In todays' college football scene, every decision is driven single handedly by money and the desire to win, and for a perennial powerhouse school to stop and pay it forward to a smaller (not lesser) program shows a maturity and selflessness that should be embodied more often in collegiate athletics.

With the additional revenue from this game on Saturday, which is expected to be at full capacity in every sense of the word, and the thousands of dollars that will be pumped into the local businesses surrounding the stadium, Michigan State has assured our CMU football program a better outlook for the future, and in what is shaping up to be an exciting in state rivalry will be all the more exciting when the two schools have the maturity and forward thinking to help each other out.

That being said, you will find me in that student section on saturday cheering as loudly as I can for a repeat of my freshman year, when we took down the Spartans in a neck and neck game. I hope that stadium is loud as hell, I hope every Chippewa is proud as hell, and I hope it is a damn good game.

FIRE UP CHIPS.

5 Questions for the NFL Season

Greetings readers!

If you're currently reading this then you are just hours away from the long awaited start to the NFL regular season. I myself have patiently waited for many months for this moment, pining away for countless hours on talk of ERA, WHIP and batting averages just to keep myself sane until the real deal, the epitome of the American sports reality came back around. Here we are, approaching the last days of baseball season, and as brutal pennant races are playing out I'm glued to my fantasy football lineups like thats what I'm going to school for (It's not). I can say goodbye to Sunday as a day of relative productivity, as I will almost definitely be glued to the TV as well as flipping between 4 or 5 periodically refreshing box scores. I'm going to worship all things Bears in the middle of what has become proud Lion country, and I'm going to do it proudly. I'm going to yell at the TV, I'm gonna laugh, I might cry, I'm gonna pull at my hair in frustration. And I am going to do all of these things and love every damn second of it, because this is football, and it's back.

Now that I'm done gushing about my man crush for football, here are five major questions heading into season and how they could possibly play out.


1. Will the NFL reach a deal with its' veteran referees soon or will the league be stuck with replacement officials?

By all accounts, replacement referees will be used by the NFL for the first week of games, and from there as needed. This group of replacements has done an abysmal job this preseason, botching spots, forgetting rules, making up new rules and just all around creating a joke out of the preseason, which was already a joke to begin with. In the end, the issue comes down to money, as it frequently does in situations like this, and eventually the NFL is going to have to pony up, or see their league turned into a mockery. Their choice.

2. How much will Tim Tebow see the field for the Jets, and how much time should he see?

Tim Tebow going to the Jets in the first place was a weird concept, and then they went ahead and talked about him being part of their punt team, and then, as things often go with the Jets, it became a media circus. Jets coach Rex Ryan insists that Tebow is the backup and troubled starter Mark Sanchez has nothing to worry about, but I'm not really buying it. Frankly, they have a backup quarterback who can't throw and who's only asset will be in the Wildcat, in which case, who cares? He'll get some snaps every game but at the end of the day he's going to get more attention than he deserves.

3. Will Peyton Manning thrive at Mile High?

I think Peyton will do just fine in his new surroundings, and will probably be embraced by the fans there as Elways was before him. I mean hell, they thought Tebow was a football god, just wait until they see No.18 throw a few passes or two. Peyton hasn't thrown for under 4,000 yards since 2005 and only twice in his 13 seasons has he not surpassed that mark. He's old, but he's not done, and I don't see this trend changing, he'll have a pretty good season if he can stay healthy, and with him, Denver will be a contender, at least on paper. At the very least he should be able to get a bit more distance on those bombs in the thin air up there.

4. Which division will see the toughest competition and have the best quality teams?

For me, this is an easy pick. All bias aside, the NFC North has quickly risen to relevancy as of late and will continue to do so this season. This division headlines two top tier quarterbacks in Matt Stafford and Aaron Rodgers, a handful of great receivers and also brings some defense into the mix. Honestly this division could get real interesting as I see Chicago, Detroit and Green Bay all vying for the title, and Minnesota could even get involved if they get hot during the season. It'll get colder than ice at their stadiums but make no mistake, this division is the hottest in football.

5. Can the Giants repeat as Super Bowl champions, and if not, who will hoist the Lombardi this year?

The Giants turned alot of heads last year and it was for good reason. Traditionally, this team has struggled with consistency, yet has still managed to put together a run of success over the past few seasons. Problem is, no team has repeated as Super Bowl Champions since the Patriots did it back in 2004 and 2005. The Giants will have alot of teams gunning for them this season and it will be very difficult to fend off teams such as Green Bay, New England, San Fransisco and Pittsburgh, all of which I see potentially vying for the championship, with it likely going to Green Bay.



Well thats it, my five big questions for this season. I hope it was an interesting read, and I wish a good season on all of you happy fans. If you're NOT going to be watching any football this season, then I hope Gossip Girl keeps you riveted to your seat as much as football does for me.