Friday, February 1, 2013

Why I won't (but actually will) watch the Super Bowl

Everyone has their own unique way to prepare for the Super Bowl. This guy went to Super Bowl media day on an LSD trip. These people think the Super Bowl already happened, and they watched it, and it was really good, apparently. For most of us, it's an opportunity to sit back, pig out on less than healthy foods, and maybe catch a little bit of football.

Of course, as the big game draws near, everyone is motivated to watch the game for a different purpose. Some people, god forbid, actually give a damn about the game, which is refreshing, really. Others are in it solely for the food and drinks and friends. Others are content with watching 30 second commercial clips which are apparently so much better than the commercials we usually see, which are flat out irritating. Some people are drawn to the rivalry between the coaches, the Harbaugh brothers, because, you know, the sibling rivalry thing hasn't been totally beat into the ground before. To round it off, you have the worshippers of Ray Lewis, who will show their love for the demi-god of football by behaving like complete idiots when he takes the field.

I'm going to be honest.

I'm not incredibly interested in the Super Bowl this year.

You can say it, I'm the grinch of football. I know, I know. Here is the biggest game of the season, the culmination of the NFL's best on the world's biggest stage, and I'm just as likely to turn on some Breaking Bad instead. Honestly, I can see the entire Super Bowl game in Sportscenter clips for the entirety of next week. The food will (hopefully) still exist next week, and frankly, if it doesn't, then we have bigger problems.  I guess I could be looking forward to the halftime show of Beyonce, based on all the albums of hers that I and other NFL fans own*.

*The author wishes to make it known that he has never owned a Beyonce album. 

I could buy into the firestorm surrounding Chris Culliver's comments this week about openly gay players. Culliver, a player on the 49er's, is trying his hardest to make people dislike him, and one has to wonder if he is really daft enough to say something that inflammatory on his own, or if some higher power is at work here. Oh, and lets not forget those people who recently figured out how to use Wikipedia and discovered the back story on the less than spectacular criminal record of Ray Lewis. I could join the speculation about whether he is guilty or not, or maybe I'll just hold out hope that he strikes again during his last NFL game. Ooooh, the possibilities.

But no.

None of it.

If I watch the game this weekend, it's going to be for my own reasons. One, it'll mean I got off of work, which is rare, because strippers don't really get time off, and my boss is a dick. In all seriousness, I'm going to watch the game because I'm a sports junkie, and I need serious help. I'm going to watch it, because for the first time in several seasons, I believe that both teams deserve to be here, that the players, fans, and even the two most boring brothers on the planet deserve to be there, and I think it can be a really good game.

Enjoy the hell out of the game everybody, and remember, if you miss it, highlights on Sportscenter all next week. Guaranteed.

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